There’s a really nasty anecdote that’s used to describe one’s disdain for another’s waste of human existence.

“You should have been swallowed.”

Without saying too much, it’s a really mean way to say, “you should never have been born.”

The other day I found myself very frustrated with a person I was following on Twitter. Really, it’s a trivial issue, but I understand the complications that can get involved. Whether you know that person “in real life” or you followed them out of some sort of social obligation because it would seem awkward if you didn’t, people shouldn’t take these things personally. So rather than sit there and be one of those people that complain about shit and not do anything, I hit unfollow.

I have three strikes when it comes to unfollowing folks on Twitter.

1. No emo tweets.

We all have our days. So you had a bad day. I’m really sorry, I hope it gets better. But when I have to wade through my feed of your pathetic bouts of self pity, I’m gonna unfollow. Don’t broadcast your sadness. Talk to someone. If Twitter is your only connection to the world, dude, you got bigger problems. Your cooldown for another sad tweet is 3 days.

2. No passive aggressive tweets.

It’s ok to tweet about the guy in the office who smells like he swam through a pile of cumin like Scrooge McDuck in his money bin. It’s another to tweet an ambiguous reply to a person who – just tweeted – without actually mentioning them or was obviously intended for them but not specifically saying so. For example if someone on your feed mentioned something about their new hobby and then you immediately followed up by tweeting that, you really wished people would stop talking about their stupid hobby, without actually saying their name, you’re a coward. Unless of course, it’s really funny.

3. Online PDA

It’s gross. Don’t do it. If your significant other is so fuckin great, tell them. Don’t tell us. Don’t communicate to them using us as a sounding board. I don’t want to go down my twitter feed and read an entire sappy conversation the two of you could have had on your own via text, email or I dunno, a phone call.

If you don’t like what people have to say on Facebook or Twitter, unfollow them. Nobody forced you to be friends. Nobody forced you to follow their feeds. Twitter, for example, is completely your choice. If you don’t like what you read and then proceed to take the time out of your life to put a negative comment or throw back a @hate reply, then you’re the asshole.

You can prevent people on your friends list from popping up on your feed without un-friending them.