There’s a great blog post, (via my friend, Marvin Tabangay) on Fast Company about the failures of successful people. We’ve all heard the timeless list of cliche’s about how there’s no success without failure.

Failure is ugly. It’s heartbreaking and sometimes debilitating. For me, it can incapacitate my mind from functioning properly. It clouds judgment, foresight and intuition, which contribute to the confidence needed to move forward and achieve something. When those control systems are down, navigation is out the window, backtracking to the beginning or completely lost somewhere else.

Failure, however is not the end.

“If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” – Thomas Edison

There have been many times where I have not started things or followed through on projects because I was too afraid of failing. But now, after a few bouts with life and one too many wisdom concussions I realize that there really is no success without failure.

I was having lunch with my father and older cousin, who in this case is pretty much like my big brother, albeit one that I rarely see or talk to, but as determined by cultural law, one I should respect greatly. I expect my father to throw me the same diatribe of my station in life which includes marriage, career and money. None of which I have, all of which I am striving for. So here’s my “big brother,” who is very successful in life, gets paid well, works for a reputable company in a very high position, is raising a family and would think was a little more akin to my generation than my father’s. I was very wrong. Forget about what I want to do, it’s all about the money, power and stability and having a woman raise the household. Forget about my goals and dreams. In fact, he thought it was ridiculous that I cooked, because, it’s something a wife should do for me.

I bit my tongue. It’s my only option. I may have grown up in rebel town America, but I still live strongly by my roots. But it made me want to succeed in my endeavors even more. Josh Linkner, the author of the blog post I mentioned earlier said, “We often celebrate companies and individuals once they’ve achieved undeniable success, but shun their disruptive thinking before reaching such a pinnacle. Before Oprah was Oprah, before Jobs was Jobs, they were labeled as misguided dreamers rather than future captains of industry.” And that’s exactly how I feel. My father is doing his best to understand, coming from the old world he has come from, raising a child man in today’s economy, he has every right to be concerned and only want what’s best. So I don’t find it surprising nor do I hold it against him when he finds me, “disruptive.”

I want to succeed, so I will leave myself open to failure. Like love, you can’t experience it without heartbreak. And while I whittle away at the wooden stick that may or may not be my masterpiece to one day play a tune of sadness and defeat or happiness and triumph, like love I cannot simply give up or settle for what doesn’t break my heart. If I want to find true love, I must in fact endure all kinds of pain and sorrow, so that, if anything, my song can be sung.

Failure isn’t the end of success. Giving up, is.